Nothing
by mattandmello
Summary: Harry needs to be saved and Draco tries to be his saviour. Slash, not-overly-graphic sex scene, no happy ending, swearing I think. D/H


A/N: disclaimmmmmblahhhhh. My first H/D :) I tried but didn't manage to make it a bit clearer but I know it's rough and disjointed but I think I like it this way. Yeah, whatever.

Harry:

I can feel you slide into me, hard and rough, trying to hurt, trying to please, but at the same time, I feel nothing. My body reacts but I'm not here. I want to be. I want to scream. I want the pain. I want the pleasure. I want to feel something, _anything_. I need to feel; it's been so long.

Draco:

I push into you as harshly as I can and I hope it bloody fucking hurts. I hope you know that I'm not even going to pretend to be gentle anymore; I'm sick of the lies. I've tried to be patient and I've tried to be careful with you. I'm tired of you, of us, of all of this shit. It will mean nothing in the long run because, after all, this is meaningless to you. I've tried to make you feel again – to pleasure you and hurt you – but nothing I've done has helped you.

Harry:

You pull back and slam back in. You moan wantonly and I am mostly silent. I've forgotten what it's like to feel you. I know I'm hurting you, killing you mercilessly with my silence but I can't remember how to feel remorseful. I can't remember how to feel anything, emotionally or physically. I'm just an empty shell and there's nothing left of me. I'm just here and hiding beneath the surface. I'm just trapped and I can't escape. I'm just broken and waiting for my saviour.

Draco:

You merely grunt as I continue to fuck you. I've begun to assume that I simply use your lifeless body for my own pleasure, as you never seem to enjoy it, or, for that matter, hate it. You've become nothing and I didn't stop you from doing so. I watched you retreat into yourself, to distance yourself from the world and from me. Why would you do that to yourself? How could you have so little mercy as to leave me alone to guard your body and wait for your dubious return? I know you're still there waiting for me to save you but I don't know how. You were always the saviour when it came to us. I couldn't even fucking save myself.

Harry:

I'm dying - slowly, quickly, painlessly, agonizingly. I don't even know anymore. I've lost myself along the path to the world's salvation and my unavoidable destruction, my welcomed destruction. I've had my wings ripped from me and have fallen. I've plummeted towards the earth and had no one to catch me. That's what I need you for; to prevent me from losing my way and falling again. I need you to make my mind go blank, to widen my eyes, to complete me. I need you to pull my mangled, barely beating heart from my chest and perform a miracle. I need you to anger me, change me, fix me, fuck me, hate me, hurt me, love me. I need you to _save_ me.

Draco:

You're silence is killing me. You have my paper heart crumpled in your hand, ready to be smoothed out and scrunched back up. Your grip constricts the already abnormal beating but I'm still living – I'm only the slightest bit alive but it's enough to draw out the pain just a little longer. You used to say that you were like a fallen angel, that you had lost your wings and you plunged to your doom, but you will never know what it's like to _really _fall, not the way I do. Along with my wings, my pride and reputation were torn from me, my family became a curse, a plague considered worse then vermin, and I, the young, tragic calamity, lost everything. It seems my fall was inevitable though, as even you couldn't get there in time to lessen my collision. _But you tried_ and now I must try to be there for you. I must repay my life debt. I must save you.

Harry:

You try to awaken me from my slumber - talking, crying, hurting, fucking. You've tried nearly everything in your arsenal but nothing works. I can't feel you anymore. I feel you touch me, stroking and licking and sucking, trying to acquire a moan - or any reaction really - but I can't _feel_ you. You're trying. I know you are. I just wish I could try too.

Draco:

No matter what I do you refuse to return to me. I know that you're just there, waiting just out of my reach, and no amount of physical or emotional feeling I can give will help. I try everything. I've tried to speak with you - to tell you how much I miss you and want you and need you - and it's only resulted in my ashamed crying at my failure. I've tried to hurt you, to break you, to mend you and make love to you but only received more of my own tears for my efforts. It hurts me to hurt you. It breaks me to break you.

Harry:

I lie beneath you quietly, acknowledging my release while not feeling it as it's being ripped from me. You finish and slide out of me just as silently. I wait in the calm before the inevitable storm for the insults and sweet nothings you always throw at me hoping for a response but nothing, not a word escapes your lips. I simply watch as you turn your back on me and tremors course through your beautiful body. I feel no sympathy. I wish I could. Instead, I move to the other side of the bed and listen as your sobs subside and your breathing evens out.

Draco:

Sex feels wicked and disgraceful; to have you lying beneath me without movement… it's like rape and I hate it. Sometimes I can't even get you to orgasm. Sometimes I don't even orgasm. I roll away from your beautiful, broken face and cry while thinking of the old you. I wonder what happened to you, how anyone could curse you with this. I know that I am not what you need. I've tried, really, my love, I have. Nothing I can do, nothing I can provide will help you. I know that this was the last time. I know that we'll both be waking up alone for a while.

Harry:

I wake slowly and roll over to find you're not there. Have you given up on me? I don't know how to feel about this - no, I just don't know how to feel. I should've known you couldn't save me. I don't blame you; I would have done the same thing. I'm surprised you stayed this long, tried this hard. After all, I'm hopeless, a lost cause, and any more of your advances toward me would be in vain just as the rest were. I know a normal person would feel something, anything at this revelation but I don't, I can't. I feel nothing.

Draco:

I sneak away after you fall asleep. With each step, I feel the knowledge of my betrayal sink deeper and deeper into my mind and body until I'm convinced that anyone will be able to see it reflected in my eyes. I hate what I've done but I hate hurting you more. I wanted to help you; I owe you that much. I wanted to stay with you but you wouldn't let me in. I could've been your saviour if you had let me, but in the end, my efforts meant nothing.

Inspired by the poem by Tite Kubo, author and artist of the graphic novel Bleach;

There is no meaning to our world.

There is no meaning to those of us living there.

We meaningless beings ponder the world

Though the realization of meaninglessness

Itself means nothing.

-Tite Kubo (Bleach, book 22)


End file.
